its been a while...just wanted to let yall know i didnt 4get about yall!...ttyl

so sorry for the gaps of time between entries...i've been doin alot lately...

so, this past sunday i had a bit of a dilemma...i have been in my church's youth band for about two months...i joined partly because our leader was helping me learn how to play the guitar...he asked me to sing until i was ready to play the guitar and i agreed...he had someone helping with the singers because he had alot to do with the other musicians...i felt this particular person was kinda tryin to take over the band...well something happened with our leader's job and he had to move far enough away that he couldn't make it to sunday night service every week if at all...so our youth band was handed over to the person over the singers...she decided that we would have a kind of audition type thing because we had so many singers and told all of us about it that sunday morning...we had to be at the rec center & youth chapel for 5pm...meanwhile my one of my friend's was attempting to put together a dance rehearsal for somethin in about 3 weeks (she's been putting this together for months whereas the youth band had gotten permission last wednesday)...she had her people show up for their rehearsal at 5pm also...(my friend was trying to keep the dance a secret from anybody who didn't need to know so no one would beg to be in it and that's where part of the problem started)...so both groups were supposed to be using the youth chapel at the same time for two totally different things...it wouldn't and shouldn't have been a big deal...apparently our new youth leader got permission straight from our pastor and my friend from the children's pastor and our pastor's right hand man...so while my friend and our new band leader were figuring out what was goin on i was oblivious...that is until our new leader comes into the youth chapel, with watery eyes...she blurts out that my friend was supposed to be rehearsing a dance in there but we were told to stay in there and they were going to move to a different room...suddenly i felt like i was goin to puke...idk why but i felt like i wasn't supposed to be in the youth band try outs, at least not that night...idk if it was nerves or if i really wasn't supposed to be in there...idk what was drivin me that night but i walked out of the youth chapel as the new leader was setting up the audition...i felt like i ha to choose between the band and my friends...(two of my other friends are goin to be in the dance)...i found my friends and was trying to figure out what was goin on when the new band leader walked up behind me...she asked me why i wasn't in the chapel and i told her i wasn't feelin good but that i might try out next week...(they are goin to have another audition this sunday)...by the time i was finished talkin to her my friends in the dance were rehearsin in another room...so until youth started at six i talked to another friend who'd witnessed everything i had...we both felt bad that our friends had to change their rehearsal space and we were aggravated that a simple miscommunication had caused our new youth band leader to act a little immature...at six when both groups were finished my friend in charge of the dance came up to me and asked what happened w/the band leader and i explained the situation and she was kinda frustrated but since the band leader had permission from pastor she was given the youth chapel for the auditions...i'm not sure what i said but i said something that made my friend say that she had to end the conversation because she didn't want to say anything else...i was confused...idk why she just walked away and didn't talk to me the rest of the night...idk if i offended her or what...on top of that a guy i've known forever decided that that was the night he wanted to be the biggest jerk he's ever been and aggravated everyone to the point that one of my friends in the dance walked out of youth and left...i left early too...now idk if i should go to the auditions on sunday or just not be in the band at all since i joined partly because of our previous leader and i know our new one and know that if i stay in she'll spring last minute things on us all the time...idk if i need to apologize to my friend because of something i may have said...i'm so stressed and confused...i need some advice!...

wow this is my longest entry ever!
thanks for reading my "rant"!
amber

p.s. i'm takin the sat tomorrow! wish me luck!

Though I plan on waiting until after I am married, I am human and so is everyone else. I've talked about this with my mom and I told her I would keep the baby and she looked kinda surprised. She thought I would say I would put the baby up for adoption. (Abortion is completely OUT of the question.) I said, "If it happens, God let it happen for a reason."